The Lord of The Cuts: The Fellowship of The Cut
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Chapter 1 of the quest for the Snyder cut.


Freedom Pals Base.

The Freedom Pals were once again discussing franchise plans.

The Coon: Give me another reason why The Coon shouldn't have another sequel?

Human Kite: This is the only idea you have Cartman and it is a Coon sequel.

Doctor Timothy: I've said it once and I'll say for the 654th time, two sequels are enough.

Mosquito: Bzz. Mosquito doesn't have a sequel, maybe I can have one.

Call Girl: We kind of agreed on a Hobbs and Shaw style movie with you and Tupperware.

Mosquito: But I deserve a sequel.

The Coon: No one wants a sequel with you Mosquito.

Mysterion: And no one wants a sequel with you Coon.

The Coon: Fuck you Mysterion!

Suddenly a beep was heard.

Doctor Timothy: Toolshed will you get that?

Toolshed: Sure.

Toolshed got out of his seat.

Fastpass: Anyone e-el-el-el-else think I deserve a sequel?

Super Craig: No.

Toolshed unlocked the door.

Toolshed: Yes? Oh my God.

The Coon: And that is why we shouldn't have time travel involved in the final Freedom Pals movie.

Toolshed: Guys. We're gonna need an extra seat.

The Coon: Why? Have we got another bitch as another female member?

Toolshed: No.

Toolshed took a seat.

The person started to walk downstairs whilst badass music played in the background.

The Freedom Pals sat in surprise.

The Coon: Oh my God.

And that person was Jason Momoa.

Mosquito (Speaking in slow mo): Oh my God! Jason Momoa's in our base.

Jason Momoa took a seat.

Jason: Where is this badass music coming from?

Captain Diabetes: Sorry that's my ringtone.

Captain Diabetes answered his phone.

Captain Diabetes: I'll call you back.

Captain Diabetes hung up.

Mysterion: Mosquito, why did you speak in slow mo?

Doctor Timothy looked nervous and was shaking.

Doctor Timothy:...Um...What brings you here?

Jason: Well I'm glad you asked. You see-

Suddenly there was a flash.

Mosquito just took a selfie with Jason Momoa.

Mosquito: Sorry, too awkward.

Jason: Exposition now, selfie later. As some of you may know, I am begging Warner Brothers to release the Snyder cut of Justice League. And I've been begging and begging to no avail. So, I'm asking you to burst into Warner Brothers studio to retrieve the cut.

Toolshed: Why us?

Jason Momoa: Because I heard you are willing to do anything and I will personally fund your superhero franchise once the cut has been retrieved.

Super Craig: Do you expect us to burst into Warner Brothers to retrieve this stupid cut?

Jason: Well what do you expect Super Dude?

Super Craig: It's Super Craig.

Jason: Super Craig, will there be anyone to retrieve the cut?

Call Girl: Maybe it could be me.

Toolshed: Or me.

The Coon: No, it should be me!

Doctor Timothy: Is this worth arguing about?

Mosquito: Bzz. It should be me!

Tupperware: No! Me!

Wonder Tweek: Me and Super Craig wanna stay!

Everyone (Except Human Kite): Rabble, rabble, rabble.

Human Kite: I will retrieve the cut.

The Coon: What?!

Human Kite: I will retrieve the cut.

Jason: You sure about it little dude?

Human Kite: I'm sure about it.

Mysterion: You can't really do this alone Kyle. I think you need our help.

Toolshed: He's right Kyle. I think you need our help. You have my tools.

Call Girl: And my phones.

The Coon: And my claws.

Fastpass: A-a-and my speed.

Tupperware and Mosquito: We're coming as well.

Doctor Timothy: I'm coming too.

Jason: Anyone else.

Wonder Tweek: AAAAHHHH! Stealing from a major studio is too much pressure!

Captain Diabetes: The journey seems too far, I might run out of insolent.

Coon Girl: I need to protect South Park.

Super Craig: I need to stay with Wonder Tweek.

Jason: Very well, Kite Boy, Phone Girl, Professor X, Bug Dude, Batman rip off, Fat Catwoman with a cape, Speedy Crutches, Tool Boy and Tupperware I-

The Coon: Hold on a fucking minute!

Jason: What?

The Coon: You're saying our names wrong!

Jason: Well I didn't get your names.

Toolshed: Toolshed.

Mysterion: Mysterion.

Human Kite: Human Kite.

Tupperware: Tupperware.

Mosquito: Mosquito.

Fastpass: F-F-Fast P-Pass.

Call Girl: Call Girl.

Doctor Timothy: Doctor Timothy.

The Coon: And I'm the greatest member out of all of them, The Coon.

Jason: Very well, you shall be known as the Fellowship of The Cut.

Epic music plays in the background.

Montage with epic music starts playing in the background.

They walk along downtown South Park.

They walk past the old Marsh residence.

The Fellowship walk past Tegridy Farms.

Than they walk along fields.

Than walk along the rocky mountains.

Than they start to take a break.

Mysterion (Narrating): Day three of this journey. Many of us have been tired. We have slept uncomfortably, the food stashes have been short and we're all in fear that Toolshed might have an asthma attack at any moment. Jason made The Coon leader instead of me. And The Coon is a stupid leader because-

Mysterion: HE CONVINCED US TO WALK INSTEAD OF TAKING THE BUS!

The Coon: This is a long journey Kinny and I want it to be epic.

Mysterion: But the bus would've been easier!

The Coon: Well you're too poor to afford the bus.

Mysterion: Token's like the richest person in South Park, he would've helped us get a bus!

Fastpass: H-h-hey Kyle.

Human Kite: Yes?

Fastpass: D-d-d-do you think that people should see t-t-the S-S-Snyder cut?

Human Kite: Of course.

Fastpass: W-w-would it better i-i-if we had it to ourselves?

Human Kite: I don't know.

Tupperware: Look!

They notice an army of flying creatures.

Toolshed: What are they?

Mosquito: They bzz, look like humanoid mosquitos.

Call Girl: Those aren't humanoid mosquitos.

The Coon: Fuck! Parademons.

Human Kite: Hide!

The Fellowship hid in the bushes.

The Parademons flew over them.

The Fellowship exited their hiding places.

Toolshed: They could've checked the bushes

Call Girl: I wonder why they didn't?

The Coon: Maybe those Parademons are retarded.

Mysterion: Doesn't matter, we have to move before more come.

The Fellowship continue moving.

Fastpass meanwhile glares at the others.

The snowy mountains.

The Fellowship continued moving through the heavy snowstorm that fell upon them.

The group were cold and had stopped dead in their tracks.

Doctor Timothy: Fuck!

Toolshed: What?

Doctor Timothy: My chair's stopped working.

Mysterion: See what you've done Cartman?

The Coon was far in front of them.

The Coon: I'm sorry guys! I can't hear you.

Call Girl: How did he manage to get all the way over there?

Human Kite: By the time we get out of this snow, I'm gonna kill you and give Timmy's wheelchair a new battery! Token, you still have some left don't you?

Tupperware: We're out of batteries.

Human Kite: Shit!

Mosquito: So, that's it. That's the end of our quest.

Mysterion: And because some BADASS DECIDED TO ELECT THIS FATASS AS LEADER!

The Coon: Fuck you Mysterion! Anyone have anywhere else to go?! Because I'm sick of everyone's bitching!

Toolshed: Call Girl?

Call Girl: What?

Toolshed: Is there anywhere we can go?

Call Girl: We're in the middle of a snowstorm, there's no way I'll get a signal out here.

Suddenly there was a ding.

Call Girl: Or I can, somehow.

Call Girl opens up her phone.

Call Girl: There's an electrical hardware store nearby.

The Fellowship stare at Cartman.

The Coon: Lead the way Super Slut.

Toolshed: Fatass! Don't call my girlfriend a slut!

The Coon: Fine, son of a terrorist.

Tupperware: Ooooohhhh he got you there.

The hardware store.

The Fellowship were looking for a battery for Timmy's chair.

The Coon: Come on guys! We need to hurray up!

Toolshed: There's no time limit into finding the cut.

The Coon: I know, I just want to see it.

Toolshed: Anyone found a battery?

Everyone: No.

Human Kite walks to the desk.

Human Kite: Excuse me, do you have any batteries for electric wheelchairs?

Desk clerk: Why yes we do.

The desk clerk handed Human Kite the electric batteries.

Human Kite: Timmy! I got some.

Doctor Timothy: Brilliant.

Human Kite: Thanks dude.

Desk clerk: You're welcome. I hope your quest for the Snyder cut goes well.

Human Kite: It will th-Wait, how did you know about our quest?

Suddenly the desk clerk jumped on the desk in a sinister manner.

Desk clerk: Because I know everything.

The group rejoined with each other.

Toolshed: Who are you?

Doctor Timothy: Where did everyone go? In case you forgotten, my batteries aren't working!

Tupperware: Sorry Timmy.

Tupperware wheels Doctor Timothy to the group.

Doctor Timothy: What is going on? Who is this jerk?

Desk clerk: You asked and you shall receive.

The desk clerk's body suddenly starts to morph into someone else.

Toolshed: Oh my God!

The desk clerk was suddenly Bill Skarsgård.

Call Girl: Bill Skarsgård?

Bill: That is right, Bill Skarsgård AKA Pennywise The Dancing clown.

Call Girl: Why are you working at a hardware store?

Bill: For 27 minutes I've been craving you.

Toolshed: What do you want with us?

Bill: Warner Brothers sent me to stop you from retrieving the Snyder Cut.

Tupperware: How do they know about our quest?

Bill: Because Warner Brothers doesn't want people to find the Snyder Cut. And they'll send anyone to make sure that doesn't happen.

Fastpass: T-t-that doesn't answer our queestion.

The Coon: You don't scare us Bill, get out of our way or I'll find a way to make sure IT Chapter 8: Pennywise Takes Manhattan will never happen.

Bill: But that's when you forget, I can take the forms of your greatest fear!

The Coon (Whispering): Windy, now might be a good time to use Phone Destroyer.

Call Girl: I can't get a signal here.

Mosquito: What are you talking about?

Call Girl: I can't hack Bill's phone. I don't have full bars.

Toolshed stares at his phone.

Toolshed: I got full bars on mine.

Human Kite: Same here.

The Coon: Same.

Mysterion: I don't have a phone.

Fastpass: G-g-got a signal.

Tupperware: Same as well.

Mosquito: Also same.

Doctor Timothy: I also have a signal.

Call Girl: This can't be! Why can't I hack Bill's phone if you have signals?

Toolshed stares at Call Girl's phone.

Toolshed: Wendy, you have full bars.

Call Girl: Thank you for comforting me Toolshed, but that's not gonna work. I still can't get a signal.

Toolshed: Wendy I am serious. You have full bars.

Bill does a sinister laugh.

Bill: Don't you get it? She is experiencing her worst fear, no reception.

Bill does another sinister laugh.

Doctor Timothy: He seems to have the same power as Pennywise.

As the team continue speaking Call Girl is looking for reception.

Toolshed: And if he has the same power, than he must have the same weakness.

Bill: What?!

The Coon: Oh yeah. Hey Bill.

Bill suddenly shape changes into his Mom.

Bill (As Liane): Eric! They'll be no pot pies or video games!

The Coon: Nooooooooooo.

The Coon curls up into a bowl.

Tupperware: Hey Bill, you're so skinny I mistaken you for a very skinny tree.

Bill: Well that isn't very nice.

Bill suddenly shape changes into a KKK member.

Tupperware freezes with fear.

Human Kite: Quick insult him before he transforms into our worst fears!

Toolshed: No ones gonna remember you for your role in The Villain, they'll just see you as Pennywise.

Bill: Like to play on my fears eh? Well game on Stanny boy.

Bill shape changes into a giant snake with the head of Randy.

Bill (As Randy): Hey son. We're gonna stay on this farm until you're 100.

Toolshed throws a power drill at Bill's head.

Bill (As Randy): Ow!

Bill transforms back into his normal self.

Bill: Should've gone with giant snake.

Human Kite: Your appearance in Deadpool 2 was shorter than your screen time in IT.

Bill: Stop it. Stop it right now.

Bill shape changes into Cartman crossed with Hitler.

Human Kite: Why are you changing into people we wanna punch?!

Bill: I thought they'd scare you.

Mosquito: The only thing that's scary about you is how skinny you are.

Bill starts to feel weak as he falls to his knees.

Bill: I feel weak.

Doctor Timothy: Now I am gonna use my telepathic powers to transfer every mean comment I have in my head into yours.

Bill: What?! No! I'll give you autographs!

Toolshed: You shouldn't have tried to stop our quest, do it Doctor.

Doctor Timothy starts to use his power.

Bill: No! Stop it! Please I-Ow! That h-Ow!

Bill curls up into a ball.

Bill: Those comments hurt.

Bill starts to cry.

Toolshed: That was a disappointing battle.

Call Girl: Signal. Where's the signal? Come on! I need signal so I can defeat Bill.

Toolshed: Uh, Wendy we defeated him.

Call Girl: What?

Mosquito: Yeah it's done.

Call Girl: Oh. Well we got what we came for let's-

Bill: Wait.

Toolshed: What now?

Bill: You want to get to Warner Brothers studios don't you?

Fastpass: Yes.

Bill: Well beside the desk there's a door, that'll lead you into a tunnel that'll lead you to the studio.

Mysterion: Why should we believe in you after what you did?

The Coon: Ok gang, I say we go through that door.

The team (Except Mysterion) all went through the door.

Mysterion: Are you fucking retarded?

The Coon: Were you given the rank of leader by Aquaman?

Mysterion: No.

The Coon: Well what are we waiting for? Let's go.

The fellowship entered the door.

Bill starts to do an evil laugh.

The tunnel.

The fellowship were waking through the dark tunnels.

Human Kite stopped dead in his tracks.

Mysterion: Kyle, what's wrong?

Human Kite: Someone's following us.

Human Kite points to a mysterious creature scurrying.

Toolshed: What is it? Should we call out to it?

The Coon: It's Zack Snyder.

Tupperware: Zack Snyder?

The Coon: He's been following us since day one. He probably wants to release the Snyder cut as well or maybe he wants it to himself.

Toolshed: We should probably keep moving.

Doctor Timothy: I agree.

The fellowship continue moving.

Zack: My precious.

The group make it to a bridge.

Toolshed: Are we close to the exit?

The Coon: What do you think genius?

The Coon points to an exit sign.

Mysterion: Come on, over the bridge.

The fellowship start crossing the bridge, but Mysterion stopped in the middle of the bridge because he hears something big approaching them.

Mysterion turns around and sees a giant spider made out of horrible stop motion.

Mysterion: What the fuck?!

Human Kite: Kenny!

Mysterion picks up a mop stick.

Mysterion: You cannot pass! I am a member of The Freedom Pals, wielder of a very powerful source of immortality. The shit stop motion will not avail you, Bill of Skarsgård.

Toolshed: How does you know that's Bill?!

Mysterion: Go back to the shadow! You shall not pass!

Mysterion hits the bottom of the mop on the bridge.

Mysterion stands still for a second.

The spider stands confused.

Mysterion uses the bottom of the mop to tap the bridge a couple of times.

The Coon: What the fuck was that supposed to do Mysterion?!

Mysterion: It was supposed to make the bridge collapse.

The spider started to make his way to Mysterion.

Suddenly half of the bridge collapsed and the spider fell.

Mysterion was about to join the others but suddenly the spider used his legs to grab Mysterion by the leg and Mysterion started hanging by the ledge.

Human Kite was about to rescue Mysterion, but Mosquito and Tupperware grabbed him.

Human Kite: Kenny!

Mysterion stares at the fellowship.

Mysterion: Run, you fools.

The Coon: You heard him!

The fellowship exit the tunnel.

Mysterion: You dicks!

Mysterion lets go of the ledge and starts to fall to his death.

Mysterion: You were supposed to save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The fellowship exit the cave.

Human Kite started crying.

Mosquito had anger in his eyes and wanted to go back into the cave, but Tupperware was holding him to make sure he didn't go in.

Toolshed was hugging Call Girl; both had sadness in their eyes.

Doctor Timothy was trying to hold back his tears.

Fastpass was staring off in the distance.

The Coon was staring at the cave looking angry, but all of a sudden chuckled.

The whole team glared at him.

The Coon: Sorry, I thought of something funny.

Toolshed: What now?

The Coon: We keep moving. We're here anyway, we go in and-

Suddenly they were held at gun point.

Voice: Don't moves!

The fellowship held their hands up.

The guys who were holding them at gunpoint were stormtroopers.

Stormtrooper 1: What are you doing here?

Toolshed: Wait those are stormtroopers. Warner Brothers doesn't own Star Wars. Don't they?

Call Girl: No.

Stormtrooper 2: That's because you're in Florida AKA Disneyland.

Human Kite: Aww shit! Bill lied to us.

The Coon: I knew we shouldn't have trusted him.

The team glares at Coon.

Later.

The team being held at gunpoint by stormtroopers are being led into the CEO's office.

The CEO spun his chair round to look at the heroes.

Robert Iger: So, what were you do-

Mickey Mouse: Rob!

Robert: Huh?

Mickey Mouse: Get the fuck out of my chair!

Robert gets out of Mickey's chair.

When Robert got out of Mickey's chair, Mickey starts kicking his ass.

Mickey Mouse: You don't sit on my chair when I'm not here you got that?! Ha Ha.

Robert: Yes Mr Mouse.

Mickey Mouse: Alright that's better.

Mickey takes a seat.

Mickey Mouse: Now, who the fuck are you supposed to be?!

The Coon: We're the Freedom Pals.

Mickey Mouse: Who?

The Coon: Freedom-

Mickey Mouse: Yeah I heard ya. What the fuck are you doing at my theme park?!

Toolshed: Look we swear to God. We didn't intend to come here, we intended to go to Warner Brothers.

Mickey Mouse: Why?

Human Kite: We've been sent by Jason Momoa to-

Mickey Mouse: To what? Make Warner Brothers better than us?! Ha Ha.

Doctor Timothy: No Mr Mouse we-

Mickey Mouse: What?! What?! You want to make Warner Brothers beat us?!

Call Girl: How about you shut up or I'll find a way to make you and your company very un-pc?

Mickey Mouse: Alright fine! I still need to make my company PC so I can fool the world.

Human Kite: We've been sent by Jason Momoa to break into Warner Brothers and release the Snyder cut of Justice League. I hope that doesn't-

Mickey Mouse: Release it!

Toolshed: What?

Mickey Mouse: Let me explain something. Joss Whedon left Infinity War for Justice League and I haven't even thought of a perfect revenge plan. Because when people betray my company, I get my revenge. Do you wanna know why Lindsay Lohan is the way she is? Ha Ha.

Call Girl: Who?

Mickey Mouse: Oh yeah. I guess she isn't relevant anymore. Um...is Britney Spears relevant? Ha Ha.

Stormtrooper: Not anymore sir.

Mickey Mouse: Oh. Point is, they're like this because of me. And for years I've been trying to think of the perfect revenge scheme and this is it, release the "true" vision, not his. You release it and I'll be able to drink Joss Whedon's tears. Ha Ha.

Toolshed: Uhhh, ok.

Mickey Mouse: Alright I'll release ya.

Mickey approaches the fellowship.

The Coon punches Mickey.

Toolshed: Cartman!

The Coon: What?!

Call Girl: You just punched Mickey Mouse.

The Coon: He deserves it for The Lion King remake.

Mosquito: But that was unnecessary.

Mickey Mouse: It's alright. I deserved it. I told the casting director to get someone who can sing, but no. He wanted the slave from 12 Years A Slave to be Scar. Ha Ha.

Later by some river.

The group were in a very big raft boat.

Mickey Mouse: The stream to the right will take you to Warner Brothers.

Toolshed: Alright.

Human Kite: Thanks Mickey.

Mickey Mouse: My pleasure. Ha Ha.

Toolshed, Mosquito, Tupperware and Call Girl were using the oars to move the boat.

They go down the stream and disappeared.

Mickey: Aww shit! Wait that stream leads to Dreamworks!

But the Fellowship couldn't hear Mickey.


End file.
